May 14, 2016 • 2am
So, we hang on.. We stumble, we fall, and we get bucked up. And somehow, when we can finally stand strong on our own again, there’s another roll of rocks on our way. We get stumbled on, we fell down; and then we get bucked up again. It’s just a cycle: A series of déjà vu. A happenstance that felt very familiar. A cliché encounters; a crazy probability.
Sometimes, when you finally choose to be where you wanna be… suddenly, the place is not yours. When you thought it is where you’d finally belong, just when you thought it’s finally the place where you can be…ironically, maybe it’s somewhere else. When you finally let the people stay in your life, they’d decide to leave. And sometimes, when you find yourself being happy, and finally let yourself to, that thing is not yours.
I mean, I don’t get sad anymore. When you find yourself being sick of all those things repeatedly, you don’t get hurt that much anymore. Because you learn to be indifferent. I’d like to say, resilient… But not really. I mean…just for the record, because I think maybe that would be an overstatement.
Eventually, you’ll learn to cope with a lot of disappointments; and all the other ugly things there is. So when it finally comes around…it’s not like, — it’s really a complete shock. It actually shocked me when things are right and actually go my way, tbh. So it’s more of like immunity for me. (You see, you can still gain a strength out of unfortunate events, really. But whatever. Lol). I mean you learn. And I think, maybe the whole point of life was learning. Learning how to deal with pain, learning things are never meant to be yours, learning that pain and changes are part of your existence, because it’s a package of having a Life. — Learning.
It’s actually fun. Though, not really. But hey, isn’t it fun when you always seem to learn something out of.. Um… I don’t know, something? I mean, we must admit, when you learn something, it’s not like a complete loss, isn’t it? Because you still gain something out of it; out of that things that…used to hurt you..
Talk about the paradox.
I understand that the only thing that’s ours, and ours alone, is our own pain. Sadly enough, it’s true. It is the only thing we can call our “own”, the only thing that no one else can take away from you. And I know that we all hope and wish, that same goes for our money too. But lol, welcome to reality! Because pain is borne within you. Hidden, kept. Secluded, even. We bear it everywhere we go; we can’t just throw it away because it’s inside us, within us. But we can call it a “lesson” as a euphemism to it. So that when there’s something dangerous to come, we know exactly how it felt like, and by all means know how to handle it. It’s just a matter of perspective and insights. Mostly the wisdom of it all. I think we just deal with it like a pro, that is all.
Because sometimes, we find ourselves walking on a perpetual journey…where the only thing that remains, and truly lasts, is pain..
We fight and we learn, that sometimes…the place where you’ve always wanted to be, and the place you thought you’re supposed to be, and rather be…is not the place for you.
And then you find yourself walking away again…
Hoping to find a place where you’d really belong.
But there has to be… There has to be some place for me. A place for me somewhere out there…