A Quest in the Abyss

You are being torn between what you want and what happens; what you feel and what you do… And somehow, in the midst of it all, you find yourself being lost in knowing what to do.


​May 14, 2016 •  1:45am

And then we come and go to the life of each other like the way the seasons do. So that when one leaves, another one might come along. How is that there’s nothing permanent in this world? We live our life to matter to the life of one another, only to know that they were never meant for us? We live our life to matter. We do things for the ones that matters to us.. But then they would leave; and if they don’t, they would die. And there’s only one thing that remains the same,– they both hurt you in any other way.

If you don’t love someone, it’s like you’ve never lived at all. If you don’t let someone love you, it’s like dying inside. You are being torn between what you want and what happens; what you feel and what you do… And somehow in the midst of it all, you find yourself being lost in knowing what to do.

We want all these things we can’t have. And get all those things we don’t wish for. It’s just so ironic. Full of complications. We want the world to stop, so we can take a break. But no honey, the world is not yours, not your life anyway. 

It’s like living a life not your own.

Everything you ask for, has no real answers… Sometimes you’re left to make one of your own. Sometimes it’s enough, sometimes its not. And sometimes…nothing is enough.But most of the time? you’re left even more baffled…confused, and dazed. — lost, even. You lose a part of yourself in a quest of finding answers. 

You felt more than incomplete. Felt ever more alone. You can’t simply let the inevitable happen. — You want to know what’s that inevitable is going to bring. Or whether it’s going to bring any good to you…or it would just add to yet another frustrating matter to fight with again, at night. Either way…one thing is for sure, it’s only going to be just another roll of paranoia to deal with… Again.

We let our life happen in the flow of everyday life.. We let our breathes pass through our throats just as the pain does to our soul…– It never stops. It waits for you to get something to sealed it off and shut closed. Because for us, humans, as long as you’re breathing, you’re good. As long as you’re alive, you’re still okay. You can still go a long way.

But the pain we feel inside? — it never really stops…just like the river. It flows right into our veins…in every part of our system. It seeps through every single part of our flesh that it has the chance to creep in. It pauses, but it never stops. It pauses when there’s a rock, or for us, seems like some kind of ‘distraction’.. when we find our small joys, like, when we talk to a friend, when we laugh at the jokes… There’s so many ways for it to pause. But to make it stop? I haven’t really got an answer to that just yet. 

It’s just that, life is obscure. 

We don’t know how to live
. We don’t really know how to do it. We just do it the way we thought it should be done; sometimes we do it the way others do, or the way we see them how they do theirs. Or we look at other people’s lives and just live our lives the way they live theirs. Yeah, talk about originality. There’s nothing wrong, nothing right. And sometimes…what we thought we’re doing…is enough for us to be right.

And in the journey of searching for answers…You lose a part of yourself even more. Only to find out that..

…you are not who you thought you are.

Author: The Realist in the Abyss

I feel like a freaking lunatic. Wandering around... not knowing who I am... or what I do. And I'm still trying to figure it all out, too. But perhaps I'll always be unknown to me; I'll always be that girl. The girl in the abyss.

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