Jones of Wanting and Learning

We can’t really stop wanting not because it’s what we only live for; but because it’s what gives us hope, sometimes. We can’t make ourselves stop growing.

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May 31, 2016  •  11:11pm

Maybe life is easy. 

Maybe we are the ones who always tend to complicate things; everything. We try to find meaning for these things; we make words for every single thing. We seek reasons for every act. Make theories for every matter. We want to discover things; we want to know this, and know that. We want to go there and see these things we want. We name every little things, so that we know what to call them. We want to do this; we want to do that. We want to learn, we want to make things… We want to make things happen.

We want and we want… and then we want even more. Maybe we want too much that we forget who we are, what we have, and what we really are? We do all these things, and we leave every bits of piece of us in each and everything that we put through… and then when it all pass by, they take those little parts of us until we eventually feel empty. And here we are, worrying about how we can find those parts of us that we’ve lost in the process. And then it becomes time for us to find what we’ve lost; to find who we are… To find what it is that we’ve lost.

To find ourselves again.

We walk and walk through this journey of knowing everything. Everything that can be learned. Everything that can be reached; everything and anything that we can possibly imagine… And it is only in the end that we think for ourselves. It’s still on the last part where we realize we should find ourselves, too. — it’s always been at the end, that we realize the subtle mistakes that were unbeknownst to us at first. But shouldn’t we find ourselves first before trying to find anyone or anything else? Shouldn’t we put ourselves first before we put other things up? Cannot we complete others if we’re not even whole yet? If we, ourselves are still incomplete?

Maybe we want too much that we forget what we have in our hands; what we already have. Maybe we keep on looking in front of us and we keep on wondering what’s on the other side, and we badly want to go there. We keep on looking forward; keep on wanting those things ahead of us… The light in front of us on the other side is almost blinding us. We didn’t notice we spend most of our time just looking forward. We completely forget to appreciate where we are; who we are with, and what we have right now. We tend to forget things so easily; almost instantly, when we should really seize them.

We forget what we should remember and remember what we should forget.

Maybe we should stop wanting?

Maybe we should stop wanting because it’s the roots of our loss and suffering.

We should stop wanting but we can’t.

I guess we can’t stop wanting because it’s what makes us who we are. Wanting. It helps us figure things out; it helps us find the answers. It makes us feel alive, it makes us realize our existence… It gives us hope; it makes us happy. It makes us feel we’re human.

To stop wanting is to stop suffering. But to stop suffering means dying. To stop wanting means the same thing.

To stop wanting means the end.

So what shall we do then, to suffer,– or to die? Maybe we can always endure suffering. Maybe we can, because that’s how we learn. And learning is what makes the suffering worthwhile. To suffer while learning, than to die without knowing anything at all. Because we can’t afford to die without even learning anything.

We lose ourselves in the process of wanting certain things; most of the time, it frustrates the hell out of us. We lose ourselves. Maybe that’s the point. — we lose ourselves, so we eventually learn how to find ourselves again. We suffer, so we can learn to heal our own wounds; and bounce back to normal, even when the scar it had left us would still remain. It breaks us, so we can learn how to fix ourselves… how to be resilient, and how to deal with pain. Things around us are fickle so we can learn to adapt to change. The most unpleasant things happen to us so we’ll know all about imperfections.

Because life isn’t perfect. We ain’t perfect. But the point of life is learning that imperfection is part of us; and we learn to live with those imperfections, at least, eventually. — or inevitably. Because it’s what makes us what we are; and it’s what make life what it is. Imperfection is what completes us; it’s what makes us whole.

So we continue to live the life full of wanting, hurting… and suffering. Losing… and finally,– Learning. It’s what we choose to. In the end, it’s always what we choose to. — even absentmindedly… Because despite of all the torments we get of having the desire to want… we can’t give up wanting because that’s how we live; it’s what we hold on to. It’s what makes us look forward to the better future. — wanting to achieve your goals, wanting to make your wish happen; and wanting your dreams to come true. Wanting for better days to come, and wanting to hope for more. No matter how much that desire may hurt us… no matter what the cost, we can’t just give up wanting. Because that’s how we live. We suffer, and then we learn… so that we can hope, and live again.

So I guess, we can’t really stop wanting because we won’t stop learning and we can’t give up living.

Author: The Realist in the Abyss

I feel like a freaking lunatic. Wandering around... not knowing who I am... or what I do. And I'm still trying to figure it all out, too. But perhaps I'll always be unknown to me; I'll always be that girl. The girl in the abyss.

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