Sinking Deep

Abyssal thoughts… Abstracted mind.

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June 3, 2016 • 11:50 pm

My thoughts are so distant. 

It’s so odd, so strange, and so peculiar… It’s taking me to places… — a space of nowhere. Into this unknown abyss. It’s doing me no good. It’s dragging me off the shore and pulling me down the deepest chasm. A place of the unknown. I am drifting away… Slowly sinking inside the huge gaping void; a gulf of solitude. It’s taking me in places I can’t be found; where I am so alone. A place where no one can reach me nor understand me… let alone why I’m here. These thoughts are locking me up into the isolation; and the solitary zone of emptiness… a world not my own. But the world I can own. A place I never knew existed; a place that hides inside me, a place where I came from. A place where I lost myself and still the place where I can find myself subsisting again. It was the flashback of who I used to be.

A place in me. A place for me.

A place that’s dark. So dark, I can’t see a part of me… a place for my sad, sad soul. A place where the chaos is coming from… and where serenity lies. The unfamiliar vast space that’s becoming a home. A home where I belong; a home I tried to run away from. A bastille where I’ve been locked up for aeon and the nirvana where I can find myself free. It’s the paradox of where my fear lurks and where all my dream lies… A place of the unknown where I know who I am and I can be; and where I become unknowable to others.

A place so fictitious…

A blank canvas. A place where I have the will to make it real. A land of my troubled disposition; and a cryptic mind. A house of my discontented soul, but a home for the coldest truth. There await the lies and the logic. The betrayal and the verity, the genuine and visionary. The place where I found nothing… and where I am nothing. The house for my nothingness. The space and the capacity of delusions and imagination. The place of reality, of my abstracted mind and subtle sanity.

A vacant space. An empty cosmos.

The home of my loathsome past and lamented heart. A wracked plans and obstructed aspirations. A place where I found my hope wasting away; rusting. The place where my declining life and broken dreams were buried long ago. A hollow; yet empty reservoir…

A memoir of my existence.

A vast hollowing mess… The abyss where I lost myself and the only place where I can be found.

A place so hideous yet the place where I’ve also found possibilities. A place so unknown, and yet the place where I can find the purpose and the deepest meaning. A place for chances, and peace… and hope. A place of ending and starting over again; a place for a great quest. A place of destruction and standing up and moving on… The journey of hurting, suffering, and learning. A place of hoping, and living, and surviving. A place for making things happen again. A place of changes and imperfections.

A place of realization.

A darkest space where I find the girl on the abyss.

A place so ugly, but remains the place where I’ve found myself free.

Author: The Realist in the Abyss

I feel like a freaking lunatic. Wandering around... not knowing who I am... or what I do. And I'm still trying to figure it all out, too. But perhaps I'll always be unknown to me; I'll always be that girl. The girl in the abyss.

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