Liberation in Disguise

It was quite unexpected to actually feel better when you know you’ve done something wrong. It was very unlooked-for; but still very freeing… somehow.

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July 30, 2016 • 5:31pm

You know sometimes, you say nasty things and it makes you wanna throw up… or take back what you said and done. You want to, –because you know it was wrong. But sometimes…–just sometimes, even when you know it was very wrong; or you know you should’ve never done it… Something inside you… just feels so right.. or at least,– it actually felt as though it was just fine; or it had actually made you feel better… —in a way? That’s why it turned out fine; that’s why it was worth it; no matter how wrong. Even if it felt so wrong.

And surprisingly, I figured, sometimes you actually have to do what’s wrong, after all… Even when you know it’s wrong; even if you never mean to. You need to, because it’s what will  make you free, somehow.

After all the burden and weight on your chest have come out… After all the tears, and bad feelings has reached its limit… You finally freed yourself from what’s been choking you ever since. You bear those feelings inside like no one’s gotta have to know about it forever… but then you reached your point and suddenly you just kind of blew it all up unintentionally. You exploded and that’s it. It never tastes fine. Never felt fine. You can tell by the way you’ve felt it even if you don’t show it, –you know it tastes like a bitter bile on your mouth. You don’t wanna hurt anyone, especially if you certainly know how it felt like. You know you don’t wanna hurt them by your words. But sometimes… It’s just… unavoidable that it happens and one way or another, you just release it all somehow, when you inevitably blow up because you can’t take it anymore.

Of course, you’re also just a human.

But the funny thing is… You feel better. You actually felt rather relieved, somehow. It was a freedom of sorts. Even after everything has gone wrong. Even if it felt so wrong.

It all became, and felt worth it when it had actually helped you a lot.

All because it had brought upon you a sense of freedom. A freedom in disguise. And that, my friend, is what made sense. No matter how small.

But then again, it was still wrong. 🙊

Author: The Realist in the Abyss

I feel like a freaking lunatic. Wandering around... not knowing who I am... or what I do. And I'm still trying to figure it all out, too. But perhaps I'll always be unknown to me; I'll always be that girl. The girl in the abyss.

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