Drowning in the Shallows

And then some days you’d find yourself wishing you don’t feel anything at all; or that everything would stop because you want to disappear. Because you no longer want to be here.

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August 29, 2016 • 3:04pm

There comes a point in your life where… you thought you’ve been through a lot.. already. You thought you’ve been through the worst. You thought you’ve had had enough already that life will finally stop sucking the hell out of you. But no, there’ll always be something so bad that would come and it will shock you. And every time, you thought you knew all about pain… You thought you know it so well and that you’ll never be shocked when it finally comes around again… but then again, you’re wrong. Every time it comes, it’ll always feel so new; and feel so foreign… It’s as if you’ve never even felt it before; as if you never even knew it in the first place. All it did was come to you until you feel numb… Until you forget how it feels… Until you cope; until you familiarize… Until you become lethargic and stoic about everything…

And then the next thing you’ll do is to learn how to feel… again. How to feel everything… To learn everything you’ve already forgotten. To go back from the start. And begin again. To learn how to feel every bit of what you used to feel before and how you used to be… And what you were before. And then, it would take time… A long, long time. And then when you finally find your way back in… when you finally get yourself back together, there goes the pain again. It’s just a cycle of unending pain… and destruction. It feels so hard to get yourself back together, but then there’ll always be gonna something to destroy you. Just waiting around the corner… and waiting for a perfect time to hit you. Once again. You thought you know pain; you thought you know life. You thought you know it, but you don’t. And then the next thing you do is to wish that you’re numb and never feel a thing. Yeah, you spent a long while just trying to feel something again and then one day, you’ll just wish you don’t.

One day you’ll find yourself wishing everything didn’t happen and you don’t feel anything at all.

And then the last thing that you want is wishing you are still here.

Author: The Realist in the Abyss

I feel like a freaking lunatic. Wandering around... not knowing who I am... or what I do. And I'm still trying to figure it all out, too. But perhaps I'll always be unknown to me; I'll always be that girl. The girl in the abyss.

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