I just can’t seem to stop living because I’m strong. — so Strong so hard to die.
And I’m not even a cactus to begin with. Even cactus needs to be treated properly; it needs to be taken care of. And I’m also not even a wildflower. A wildflower is still a flower, no matter how wild. And a flower is always beautiful. No matter what it is.
But I’m like a weed. A grass of weed. Just leave me there and I’ll grow on my own. You can always try to cut me down,– but I’ll persist anyway. I always will. I live. I exist, no matter what. Even when I don’t want to. I just can’t seem to cease living because I’m too strong. –Strong. Too damn strong.
So strong so hard to die.
“Everything that’s broke — leave it to the breeze. Let the ashes fall… Forget about me.”
Feb. 28, 2017 • 12:05am
And then everything is constantly changing… Suddenly, everything is slowly drifting away; gradually. We cannot brace them, tie them, or keep them as ours. We can always cry and complain, but none of these will ever make them return back to the way they used to be. Because this time, whether or not it’s what we really choose… we only have one choice:
To let them go, and let them be.
I write not because I want to write about something… I write because there is something to write about.
Feb.28, 2017 • 12:26am
The pain never goes away; not really. It remains with us forever. But what we have to learn is that we can allow it to blossom into something beautiful– like a work of art. Into something that conforms; something that resonates. Something that will reach out to others and make them feel understood…–to help make them feel that they’re certainly not alone. That pain can also build a connection. We don’t always have to force ourselves to let it go because it doesn’t always work that way, –when the scars were already there. We can only accept it. Accept that these things happen. We cannot know happiness if we hadn’t known pain. And we have, but only one way to ease the pain and live with it: To use it.
We have to use it.
I would always remember it all– the random barks of the dog from the neighborhood; even the silent, whirling sound of the wind, the plane, the crickets… And well, I hate to say this– but yes. The sound of my beating heart.
Oct. 19, 2016 • 1:22am
And in times of me, being alone; as I lay here on my bed, in the middle of the night. And while the sun is still deciding whether or not it’s going to come out soon, because technically it’s already dawn but then again, it’s not morning yet… But here I am and I would always remember…– Remember everything. Remember it all too well. Every little thing that had complemented my disoriented soul and utmost loneliness. I would remember the crickets chirping from the outside; The sound of the plane while penetrating through the clouds… and the stars splattered in the sky. And then the air; –my only companion. I’d remember what was there. I would always remember it all– the random barks of the dog from the neighborhood; even the silent, whirling sound of the wind, the plane, the crickets… And well, I hate to say this– but yes.
“And though the waves keep pushing you aside, you know your feet won’t just give up to keep you afloat… And in that moment… somehow, that was enough.”
July 4, 2016 • 10:16pm
Swimming in the sea makes me feel wild and free…
In a sense that the horizon is infinite; there are no barriers around you. No walls to restrain, or trammel you; or will hinder you to go elsewhere. There was no boundaries that confines you; nor hedges to constrain you. There seem to be no limitations in everything. You can do whatever you want, there are no strings or clips that will pin you down. The view is endless. And so the possibilities are boundless. You know you’re in the widest, huge space spot and that no one can reach you nor drag you. You feel like you’re all alone and the whole view is all yours; the place is yours. Yours. And nobody else’s. And then you just feel amazingly free; and though the waves keep pushing you aside, you know your feet won’t just give up kicking and you keep on swimming to stay afloat… Fighting every wave that comes your way… you continue to swim and carry on.
And in that moment, somehow, that was enough.