Magical Moments

June 30, 2016 • 5:27am

It’s that magical moment when the world was half asleep; and also half awake. When the sun comes up to meet and kiss the horizon again; the clouds gather to the dawn of the day. It is moments like this that gives me, or gives us hope. Like the mistakes of the past has been all forgotten; all the aches and the pain been healed, all the wrongs been forgiven and the new light of the day is here. It’s as if nothing could go wrong. And the big bright sun is coming up here in front of me to prove it all… I had never cherished, seized, nor seen the sunrise like this. One spectacular summer dawn when I didn’t know any better, but the sun came up as if to tell me he’s there to save the day. As though he knows all the things I didn’t know. As if he’s gonn’ be there to patiently teach me all; the way I’ve waited for hours for him to finally come up and meet the horizon.

I have never loved the sun like this; nor cherished the day watching its beautiful light burst into a hundred colors of hues. The only day where it feels soft and kind.

The Past

April 30, 2020 • 12:13am

They say, “Be courageous enough… To let go of the past.” But the past contains of the people I love, the things I used to have. And the precious memories I’ve had. It contains every little thing I’ve ever had. How could I ever get the courage to just let it go?

How do you suppose to just let it all go?

The In Between

April 4, 2021

I go through waves of ups and downs. Sometimes I’d find myself diving too deeply in the world of calm that calls my mind. And then other times I’d be sinking so slowly, so plainly… so unreasonably. Until there’s no more air for me to breathe. I sometimes like that, I sometimes find it uncomfortable; but I want it. I always want it. Then sometimes I’d feel high; so high, that I’d just find myself dancing on the moon; floating somewhere. Going anywhere; or going nowhere. That’s just what life is, to me. That’s how it looks like to me. Life and Death, and Death and Life. I in the middle, with the moon and the ocean in between.

I am in the middle of it all… And I don’t even know what to feel anymore.

Inescapable Oblivion

Jan. 2, 2019 • 11:29pm

People aren’t mostly afraid of the unknown. Most likely, when there is something they’re frightened about… it’s this: — Oblivion. They fear something so precious might be forgotten and fade away; to fade out gradually and disappear in the passing of time. Like ashes in wind… Scattered. And lost.

Gone forever.

Ebbed Into the Void

Oct. 27, 2019 • 10:53pm

It’s such a lonely night tonight… When did I ever feel such sadness? Here I am, and I thought I’d forgotten how… But tonight is such a melancholic night. The sky’s so dark and I can hear the rain dripping from the roof. The rain’s getting even more stronger now.

Loneliness. Emptiness. Death.

Death comes in such a smooth… quiet way. Just so no one’s gonna be disturbed; just so no one would ever know. No one would ever notice. Just so it’d come as a surprise. — a very horrible kind of surprise. It comes creeping in. It’d always come creeping in… quietly… carefully… The wind blows and then everything would vanish… in a blink of an eye. And then everything,– I mean, everything… would just turn into mere memories. Tiny little bits of memories. All pieces of it scattered. But that’s the painful part.– Not being able to recognize and assemble the debris of what has been left of. Even making yourself just try to pick up the pieces is such a heavy and painful process alone. I don’t know how it’s even possible to move on after all the catastrophe… After all that it had done. After all that happened. After all the damage. A moment turns from solid into fine dust in a matter of seconds. Something that you can touch a few moments ago is now gone; something that used to be there. Something… something that used to occupy the space is no more. I’m such a forgetful idiot person but I don’t know how to forget. I really don’t. Can’t we feel unhurt? Can’t we feel unbroken? Can’t we… can’t we just be? Can’t we just be what we used to be? Is this how it means to be alive? To be existing? To exist once in a while and live and never to exist anymore? To be away; in such a million light years that no one can reach you… Ever again? Is this how we’re supposed to be like? To be thrown into the abyss and then vanish quickly; fade away rapidly. Go into the fire and turn into ashes in millisecond? I thought that we are creature meant to cherish the world, and yet when one is taken away, it’s like… — It’s like the world falls apart and everything fall into pieces. And then the whole world is gone; it’s no longer there. Everything fall into ruins.

How do you suppose to get accustomed to the weather? When once… it used to be so warm and suddenly, you find yourself out in the cold?

How do you suppose to fill up such void?